Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Forgetting Sarah

Where is she? It is 6:30am, May 26, 2008. Andy woke up, got out of his bed and looked through the window and thought: She might be in the kitchen, or in the upstairs, or might have gone to the nearby shop. But, the chances are less. She never left him without informing. He suddenly realized he is in a different place, different time far from his home and far from the past. The question remained unanswered. Where is she?

Andy started to feel the fear of having lost his lovely wife slowly. This is Andy. He wakes up every day with a million questions about her and for her. All these questions will chain up and logically come to an end with only one question open in his mind. "Where is she?" His unanswered questions and unanswered prayers left him with painful moments when he felt almost suicidal with despair. But, she had told, so he knows, pain and pleasure are part of life.

Andy felt her presence in the warm air that fanned his face. It was her voice, Sarah's sweetest voice, that gave some peace and a little sleep, during the long and lonely nights of Andy. He goes to bed with tears of love brimming in the eyes and his future immersed in this miserable little life. Sometimes at night in the starry sky, he would keep looking tirelessly at the stars that twinkle at him and ask himself, 'Where is she?'

It was on March 3rd 2003, Andy first met her. His first instinct when he saw her was to take her to his mother and introduce her as his soul mate. Andy was sure about two things: His mother would proudly accept her as daughter-in-law and secondly, no matter what happens in his life, it wouldn't be that bad than losing her. Andy was happily married to her for three years.

Sarah was Andy's number one fan. She always made him feel special. She cared more than she showed and her eyes would speak more than any words. Her admiration and giving made Andy go an extra mile at work and successful in life too. Days and months rolled on with more and more happiness around and absolutely no timetable. He rarely called her by the name Sarah. He used to call her, whatever beautiful or interesting thing he see or think in his mind and often with crazy names. At times, she would even call him MAD. But to Andy, it was the only sensible way to love - loving to the point of madness. Her love for him was greater even than her love for herself.

Life that was more livelier and exiting succumbed to sadness and boredom. Sarah found her way to heaven on April 5th 2007. 'Where is she?' Andy did not believe in whatever his friends or family had to say. He laughed and laughed and finally cried and learnt that she is truly gone. The emptiness in his soul and in his heart, reminded him each moment, that Sarah is no more. He believed out of some unknown place, she would show up, atleast, atleast once and say 'HI'. But she never did.

Time has healed the worst of the wounds this world had ever seen. So it did for Andy, after two hard years. Sarah had shown him how to conceal his joys. He can now hide his griefs. She had shown him how to control his mind. He can now control himself to live this world without her. Andy has to go through one thing that was never shared by his wife - His Loneliness. Before two years, she was everything. Now, everything is her. Whenever Andy see something interesting or beautiful, on his way, he would smile and say to himself 'Hey Sarah, how you doing?'.

Memories and longings are innocent and eternal, when they are about the one you love