Thursday, November 19, 2009

Happiness is Real...

It was 8:01PM. All the certified doctors of the hospital promised me death in twelve hours. I came out of the hospital. The entire world looked new and strange to me. Life was like holding water in hand. I had to let it drop off, drop by drop. There was silence everywhere. I started to walk through the streets lined by trees on both sides. The night was already very dark. For the first time ever I felt so lonely. All through my life I had been alone. But, I had cherished all those moments. It was not a forced decision. I chose to be alone. In life, we dont always choose the best solution but we continue to carry on.

Time started to fade like a cigarette smoke. It was getting colder. I felt i could not walk anymore. I sat down by the entrance of a house. I heard a child crying from inside. It was around 10PM. The cry was so painful as though I was crying within myself. The child stopped crying on seeing its mother. As a man or woman, we cry lot many times internally without streaming out tears. And yet, we all live in pursuit of happiness.

What is happiness? Thinking of it, i started to walk again. I have always enjoyed my lonliness. I had felt happiness in the lonly paths of cities, in the rubmle of rivers that break the silence of the shores, in home where no one intrudes watching TV, in office when no one interrupts work. To me, it was easy to live drawing a line that separated me from others. Relationships are a dead knot in the heart. When relationships break, they not only take the happiness of the present but also the happiness that was in the memories of the past. When it hurts, the depth will be so deep that you would feel 'Happiness is just a sad song'. It shuts down your vision. You walk like a blind man with your eyes open without acknowledging anyone on your way. But, there was no one on the street then. It looked as though the street was perfectly setup for the sad song.

Suddenly, I heard a chorus sound from a house. They were celebrating a birthday. It was 12:00AM by then. I never had a liking for birthdays, get togethers, partys, treats, whatever. At times, i wondered why people celebrate all these events? Friends told, they do it for happiness. But I was already happy so I ignored them most of the time. I always thought happiness is abundantly found in the beauty of nature and in the woods that are yet to be explored than in people and society. It started to rain. I spent some time in the bus stop watching the rain and people hurrying to their home. Around 2AM, the rain stopped.

I have seen so many early morning hours at office - 3AM to 6AM. It would be so thrilling to listen to the sounds of insects and night birds. There are innumerous creatures that are active at night, mostly the new born. You can see kittens and puppies playing happily. The fishes in tanks, they will also look more relaxed and happy at that time. They all facinated me that I would sit and watch them for hours. But today, 3 to 6AM, it was so boring in the bus stop. I was little bit disturbed as I knew i was left only with two more hours.

We don't fear the unknown. We don't fear death. We fear because of the things that are known to us. We become afraid towards our detachment with the worldly things that are close to our heart. I would be missing my parents, friends and early morning coffee. It's a new morning to the world but for me, it is the last one. I want to spend this last precious hour happily as I had done in the past. I see dew drops in the lawn, rain droplets hanging in the trees, black ants marching for food. I could not invoke the happiness in me. The silence around me started to suffocate in me.

Have you ever enjoyed a morning coffee watching its vapours slowly dancing up the cup? Have you ever walked on a beach where there are no traces of footprints? Have you ever noticed the moon playing hide & seek with the stars and clouds? Will you feel happy if India wins a thrilling one day match or you watch your favourite movie in your digital home theatre system? Would you call them happiness? Yes. You would, if you believe happiness is a state of mind. At every stage of life, happiness is redefined. The education, the religion, the movies they all made us believe happiness is this, this, this and that. Not all things that make you happy bring true happiness. They are incomplete in their own way.

Happiness gets life and becomes complete when you say 'Amma, Coffee is too good', 'Darling, this place is as lovely as your eyes', 'Machaaa, India has won'. It was the child that taught me what happiness is. Being a new born, A child does not know how the sky, gardens, parks, streets, rivers, theatres look like. Obviously, nature cannot bring happiness. The child does not how to control its mind. It does not know love. It cries or it laughs. To the child, happiness is when it lies in the arms of its mother, when it plays in the shoulders of its father and even when a smile is shared by a stranger.

It is too late for me to realize that some of the happier moments in life are those invisible to the eyes but found by heart. It's 7:59AM now. Life is not a movie for things to get better in the end nor a fairy tale. I see a kite hanging totally drenched and almost dead in a tree - A hopeless kite. The dark clouds started to cover the sky. This city is going to have yet another beautiful rainy day. I have shared my words and you shared your time. Thank you. Like an athlete, I have run through life and have reached the winning post. I am happy now as though I have come to this world for a vacation. As I lie down on the park, facing the sky, closing my eyes, I hear these words echoing within. What if I were alive, what if I run into the arms of my parents, what if I could see her smile again, what if I go back to my friends and share that single room? Will I see then.......what I see now?

Happiness is real, ONLYwhen it is shared.


Saturday, November 7, 2009

PhotoSongs - துள்ளாத மனமும் துள்ளும்

நீ வந்ததும்
மழை வந்தது
நெஞ்செங்கும் ஆனந்தம் ...

என் காதல் நிலா
உந்தன் வாசல் வரும்
அந்த நாள் ஒன்றில் தான்
என்னில் சுவாசம் வரும்

என் எதிரே வந்து
புன்னகை செய்ய
கண் கூசுதோ?

குயில் இசை போதுமே
குயில் முகம் தேவையா
உணர்வுகள் போதுமே
அதன் உருவம் தேவையா ?

தேடும் முன்பே வந்த பொருள்
வாழ்வில் நிலைப்பதில்லை
தேடி தேடி கண்ட பொருள்
எளிதில் தொலைவதில்லை

காக்கை சிறகினிலே நந்தலாலா - நின்றன்
கரிய நிறம் தோன்றுதையே நந்தலாலா

நிறமுள்ள மலர்கள்
சோலைக்கு பெருமை
நீ உள்ள ஊரில்
வசிப்பது பெருமை

மானிட பிறவி
என்னடி மதிப்பு ?
உன் கால் விரல் நகமாய்
இருப்பது சிறப்பு !! :D