Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Love is thicker than Friendship

What friendship sees from the shore, love sees it much deeper than the ocean. I had a friend who used to speak riddles. Yes. She used to advice me a lot. I was good. She made me better. She wanted me to be the best. As a friend, she was there all the time to encourage me when I did simple things right. She wanted me to be perfect and offered her help even at times when I didnt need them. The radius of her friends circle is big. To me, she was the one…the only one. Not everyone is meant to make a difference. Sometimes, I wished her to be my partner in all the three worlds - body, mind and spirit. She did not know that I had such an emotional feeling for her. Not one bit.



“God gave us life for free. We should not possess anything. Even love should be given unconditionally”, she told. That was what I was trying to do. Whenever she sends wishes on festival days, she addresses me “Dear Friend” and ends with “your loving friend”. This confused me a lot. Often, friendship and love they both looked same to me. But there is a massive difference. Love is thicker than friendship. Friendship is like a rock. Small breaks/cracks wont matter much. Love is like a dam. A small crack is enough to crash and destroy the complete structure how-so-ever strong the rest of dam could be. You see, how a dam and rock both looked same to me…That’s right, Madness always accompanies love.

She was not so beautiful. But she made everything around her beautiful. She had great morals and she hated smokers, drinkers, liars. I changed my habits for her and it was quite difficult for me to let in new changes. I stopped telling lies, speaking bad words and started to respect elders :). There was a dilemma that I was living someone else’s life. I should accept that there is a great amount of happiness in living for others than living for self. This is not a sacrifice. I just dropped few of my small dreams hoping for a better and bigger one. Sometimes, I felt we were totally different human beings in our thoughts, our interests. She used to speak a lot about cinemas, her friends, her office problems, her neighbour’s problems, which I had nothing to care about. I only pretend to listen in those situations. She listens to me whenever I speak about bikes, rock bands, WWE, Federer, Sachin. We both understood and appreciated the differences we had. She was the STAR in my life.

Friendship is a bliss. Love is more blissful than the angels lighting colorful fountain on the sky and showering rain. Life went on as it would never end. We shared all our happiness, boredom, tiredness, cricket, problems, silence, stories and some sadness. Life looked so beautiful than anyone else could dream of. One day, she told that nobody cares for her like the way I did and wanted me to marry her. I felt stronger and weaker, excited and terrified at the same time. From that magic moment, we were more than friends. I could not believe even today, if I am worthy for her billion dollar wish. It was like a miracle happened suddenly, like a fairy tale. Life turned the way whatever we wanted and filled in with perfect moments.

*****

A month went without a single talk. She not even bothered to return my phone calls. She had her own family problems as well. She ignored me completely only to make me realize that she was the reason behind all my achievements. What would I do without her? Alcohol became my only companion for next few days. But, I had promised her that I would give up smoking and drinking the day she comes back to me. She told that her parents were strict and not to contact her for atleast a year and she would try to convince them. Sometimes in life, we should take risks to be crazy as well. I should have fell on her parents knees and pleaded for our marriage. I didnt. “All girls are same. They are too much attached to their familes and can’t be relied upon for Love” - I thought. In the meanwhile, i got transferred to a different place for work where I crumbled into dust.

Pongal, Deepavali, Christmas, New year everything came only in calendars. I waited for her reply. Waiting was painful. Forgetting was painful. But not knowing what to do first was even worser than the pain itself. No STAR replies to our wishes. I was trying to be good throughout the year. Friends supported me to come up again. No alcohol could ever erase the pain that love leaves in the heart. True that with every love, we grow. To come up in life, to raise from the ashes, to undust the wounded heart we don’t need another love. Will is everything. The will to stand against the odds, chase the dreams only could keep us alive. Memories never change the past but dreams can change the future.

What my friends did to me on that day was unfair. We still are friends. That was just a crack in the rock and friendship means total forgiveness and too much fun. What I did on that day was a blunder. A crack in the dam that had too much of energy with damned love. I heard from one of my friends that she got married. I conveyed my wishes to her via email. Glad news… this time, I got a reply. “Dear Friend”…..:). She told some good news about her family too. I’m happy because she is happy. From that day, friendship continues to live and love……. continues to die.


Moral: Don’t drink and Love

Cheers,
Firewall_Sudhan

PS: Insert the below paragraph in the place of *****

Happiness multiplies when it is divided. My friends and I went for a treat. We chatted, had fun, ate for hours. Added to that, some of my friends ordered for drinks. They compelled and forced me to give them company. I went to her house with instability in all the three worlds and screamed her name. She could not stand the sight of me. “I hate you, you are a cheater” saying this she wept and left. Her eyes, her love… that was the dam I broke. When her parents came out, I spoke to them as though I was speaking to my friends. I asked them to sing and dance for our love. My friends rescued me from the spot before they could call police. The hands of fate changed everything upside down. Yes. I was drunk that day for the first time and I just did it for fun.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

காதலர்களாம்

….காதலர்களாம் :)

மேகம் வளைத்து
குடைகள் செய்வார்
வானவில் ஏறி
மின்னலை பிடிப்பார்

நிலவை பிடித்தே
மிதியடி அமைப்பார்
விண்மீன்கள் கொண்டே
கோலங்கள் வரைவார்

இவை அனைத்தும்
காதலியின் ஒற்றை
பார்வையில் மட்டுமே
சாத்தியம் என்பார்!!

வார்த்தைகள் வைத்து
ஜாலங்கள் செய்வார்
கவிதைகள் கிறுக்கி
காதலை சொல்வார்

நண்பர்களை மறப்பார்,
தனிமையில் சிரிப்பார்
கற்பனையில் மிதப்பார்
நிஜத்தினில் பறப்பார்

இப்படி இல்லாத
உலகம் சென்று
பொய்யான வாழ்க்கையில்
காலத்தை வீணடிக்கும்
Mental galukku பெயர்….

“Every Unconditional love has an Unforgivable Stupidity in it”

Monday, June 15, 2009

Lucidity With Lufthansa

The tiger came out of its cage. I was on my way back to home (India) after 15 months. Jan 2008 to May 2009 - This part of my life is called 'Running', running for Vitamin M'. It was the time, i needed it the most. Life was fair to me. It gave me more options to choose, it opened new doors to go on. I went to different countries, different timezones but not as a different person. 1.5 years away from home, friends, Trichy, Thiruvanmiyur, Thiyagaraja DTS, Cauvery DTS,T51, 88... and the list goes on. It wasn't easy but it wasn't hard. I always think a lot about my past. 1.5 years went on so fast, while I was living in the past. Needless to say, we are all slaves of our own thoughts. I decided to come out of the cage.

I had a transit for 3 hours in Chicago. I recollected the things happened that day. It was a peaceful friday morning, 29th May 2009. I woke up at 5AM. It was not because the alarm went on or my laptop was playing a favorite song. I was awakened by the 'tick tick' from my Titan. It stopped ticking on 3rd March 2008 at 6:00PM and suddenly started working again. That was a good sign. I had my flight to India at 11:25AM from GreenBay. That morning, I was totally isolated from this world, my friends and especially from my work. I disconnected my mobile connection, returned my office laptop, speakers disconnected and all my items were packed last night. But, that didn't matter to me and I was totally happy. Nothing matches the feeling of returning home. It was like the feeling of a soldier returning to his own country after a war, a bird coming back to its nest after the day's struggle, a lost goat coming back to its master, a river meeting the ocean :). Three hours went like three seconds.



I watched the passenger loading bridge being put on place. I boarded the plane around 3:35PM. Memories came alive in me, they kept me alive. 'Will I meet my well-wisher again?' Hoping against hope, can be called a stupidity, that was my thought. My next seat was empty. I imagined, as soon as I fastened my seat belts, there could be a surprise awaiting me, with my well-wisher sitting next to me. I would be chatting all the time. When we run out of words, we could cherish in each other's silence & smiles. We could inhale each others' silence and exhale a beautiful poem. Things that are not possible, always amaze us. I tried to convince myself not to think too much about it. I have tried it several times in the past and systematically failed every day, every week. Trying to forget someone you like is more funnier than trying to remember someone you have never met. I was tired of thinking & smiling. I felt asleep.

The imagination continued in my lucid dream. Lucid dream is a kind of dream that comes when you are aware or awake, yet you are still sleeping. There could be lot of changes happened in the last 1.5 years, I said to myself. Hutch changed to vodophone..R15 might be running on a different route.. Cost of living in Chennai might have hiked up. New TV channels might have sprouted out of nowhere. The trees i loved might have been cut down for playgrounds and road extentions. The squirrels and crows that played in our house top might have migrated and moved to a new cool location. It is best to accept life as it really is, and not as I imagined it to be.

I woke up with the jolt of the plane landing in Frankfurt. Frankfurt airport was so beautiful. It was around 7AM local time. The light of the dawn was filtering through the curtains. I did not want to take my camera out. I wanted to cherish those views only through the lens of my eyes. I was sitting on the benches for almost four hours in the state of the most intense joy. I watched the clock ticking at the rate of one second per second. The longest part of the journey, 9 hours and 15 minutes, started at 11AM local time. I did not have any expectations for the seat next to me in the Frankfurt to Chennai flight. I thought of inventing some fairy tales I could tell to my friends,  my parents about my journey. What you have read so far is one among them. Hold on, the story is not complete.



I reached Chennai around 12:00AM on 31st May. The flight attendant thanked everyone of us for choosing Lufthansa. The entire airport looked so fresh and pristine. After the immigration check, the passengers emerged and embraced whoever was waiting for them. I pretended not to notice anyone. Since it was early hours, I had asked my parents not to come and wait for me. I even told them, most of the time, flights wont arrive on time. I hurried to the exit and felt someone calling me. I turned and looked around. There was no one I know. Auto Drivers and taxi drivers can easily pick people like me, who come on their own, all alone. I moved slowly to the ATM to take money. I knew, some special auto drivers will charge Rs.10 extra. 'Do you need change?' A voice came from my back, so close to my ears, yet familiar to me for years. It was my Dad, waiting for me. 'How.. how did you manage to come here?', I asked. I was not interested in his reply. It was the moment I could cherish with my life. I heard him say, 'It's a sumaaal world'. Oh yeah.. that's my favorite quote. :)

Silhoutte Photography - Sunset
















Silhoutte Photography - Sky